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doctor

«Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.»
«The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong. Every time my husband kisses me, the garage door goes up.»
«My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.»
«My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down -- but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.»
«The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.»
«The doctor glanced up at the statue of the Republic, then said he did not know if he was using the language of reason but he knew he was using the language of the facts as everybody could see them - which wasn't necessarily the same thing»
«The superior doctor prevents sickness; The mediocre doctor attends to impending sickness; The inferior doctor treats actual sickness;»
«The doctor learns that if he gets ahead of the superstitions of his patients he is a ruined man; and the result is that he instinctively takes care not to get ahead of them.»
«No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a ''Master of Arts'' and a ''Doctor of Philosophy'' after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.»
«The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter -- he's got to just know.»

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